Unresolved Pain: When Past Memories Won't Let Go
I've heard it time and time again from friends, women I support in therapy and yes, I've said it too. It's that dreaded feeling when you you've gone through all of the hard work to "get over it" (whatever it is) and only find yourself months or even years later feeling like you're back at square 1. Or, at least, it still bothers you enough to be bothered by the fact that it still bothers you.
The "it" in this case could be anything such as feeling insecure, a scary movie or a traumatic experience. As much as you and I have "done our work", a painful memory or feeling will rear its head to let us know that it's not done with us yet. Whatever the situation, when you find yourself thinking something along the lines of "I thought I was past this", I want you to know that you're not alone and there's a reason for it.
...a painful memory or feeling will rear its head to let us know that it's not done with us yet.
So why does this happen? We hear about the mind-body connection but we aren't talking enough about the mind-body disconnect. Let's first clarify that there's a difference between the mind and the brain. Often, these two are described as one and while they certainly work together, they are different:
The mind refers to a person's invisible capacity to be aware, have conscious thought, reason, imagine and problem-solve. When it comes to our healing journeys, we generally rely on narrative and discussion - processes that primarily occur in the mind. The brain, on the other hand, is that incredibly complex organ between our ears designed to keep the body alive via electrical and chemical processes with the help of our 5 senses and emotions AKA your gut instinct.
When it comes to our healing journeys, we generally rely on narrative and discussion - processes that primarily occur in the mind.
Now, when it comes to memories, the brain/ body stores them all and the mind serves as a type of interpreter using imagery, sequencing and language in an attempt to make sense of our experiences. The thing is that the brain, more specifically - the brain's threat detection system called the amygdala - doesn't understand words, implied meanings or the order of events like the mind does. It's languages are the five senses and emotions. Further, neither the mind nor the amygdala are 100% accurate when it comes to our recall and memories.
...the amygdala doesn't understand words...It's languages are the 5 senses and emotions.
OK, so to connect this to unresolved pain - know that the brain's purpose is to keep us alive, not thrive - alive. Keep in mind that the amygdala remembers every single experience we've had - even the experiences that our minds can't recall at will. This is why you can smell or hear something and find yourself reliving an experience or saying, "I haven't thought about that in years"!
So, while the mind may not be able to recall every possible experience we've had, the amygdala not only stores those experiences but also the sensory and emotional information attached to them (AKA embodied memories). It does this to have a database for everything you've gone through to recognize similar information connected to every stressful or scary experience you've ever had - and it does this at least 4 times faster than the blink of an eye. Did you just blink? Yes, 4 times faster than that.
...the amygdala can recognize similar information connected to every stressful or scary experience you've had
See, the brain is designed to be efficient to keep us safe and...so that we don't have to re-learn how to tie our shoelaces every time we wear sneakers. The issue is that it isn't necessarily accurate 100% of the time. So, when you experience the same or even similar sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations or emotions attached to prior scary or stressful experiences - commonly called triggers - your brain's alarm system may become alert.
...the brain is designed to be efficient to keep us safe...it isn't always accurate
If the amygdala believes you're under threat - even if you are not - it begins the process of activating your stress response AKA fight, flight, freeze, fawn or flop. How far this response goes depends on many factors like your current emotional state, the details and intensity of those prior experiences and whatever healing work you have or have not yet done. These and other factors determine whether the painful memory is just a blip on the radar that makes you uncomfortable or you go into survival mode at full throttle.
If the brain believes you're under threat - even if you are not - it begins the process of activating your stress response...
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References:
Gentsch, A., & Kuehn, E. (2022). Clinical Manifestations of Body Memories: The Impact of Past Bodily Experiences on Mental Health. Brain sciences, 12(5), 594. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci12050594
Holzer P. (2022). Gut Signals and Gut Feelings: Science at the Interface of Data and Beliefs. Frontiers in behavioral neuroscience, 16, 929332. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnbeh.2022.929332
mind. (2024). In Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mind
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